we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
