420 ftw
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
