I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
