how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Alive.
So much puke
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
