He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
