First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
