just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
