Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
