she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
