I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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