wrigley field is MILF paradise
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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