i just wanna soil my oats bro
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
