it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
