My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
