i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
