the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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