clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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