And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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