Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
