She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
