See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
