I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
