it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
