i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
