Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
