Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
