Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
