my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
