I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
