I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
