new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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