I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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