Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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