We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
