well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
