Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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