im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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