3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
