Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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