did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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