Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
