things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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