My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
