How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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