this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
