waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
