I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
