Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
