Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
