Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
