Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
