...so i touched it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
