Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
