My hand turned me down
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
