shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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