We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
