How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
