you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize