i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
