Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said her name was "party"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Boobs speak an international language.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
