i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
