I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
