she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
