I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
