Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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