his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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