Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
