im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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