So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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