The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
