You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
