my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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