there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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